an alternate universe

Something I read during the election campaigning period, written by a certain Andrew Chia on his Facebook page……

Woke up on 12 Sep 2015

Saw the news notification on my iPhone: “History in the making: PAP lost all 89 seats to opposition parties.”

All the elected political parties for the General Election are meeting to decide on a coalition government for the first time in Singapore history. WP with the most seats in Parliament will appoint a Prime Minister and it’s likely to be LTK. Sylvia Lim will be DPM and Minister of Defence. Png Eng Huat will be Finance Minister. Pritam appointed as Minister of Foreign Affairs and Chen Show Mao will be Minister of Law. Mohd Faisal will be Minister of Home Affairs. WP wants to anchor all the critical Ministries and Ministry of Defence to prevent a coup from the army.

NSP with 12 seats wants to have a big say too and wrest a DPM position. NSP President Sebastian Teo will be DPM. New political starlet, Kervyn Lim, will be Minister of Social and Family Development to champion rights for single mum.

Reform Party and SDP will get 2 ministerial positions each. Roy Nerng being the advocate of CPF will be Minister of Manpower who is overseeing CPF board. Roy is going to enact a law to allow Singaporeans to withdraw their CPF whenever they wish to and eventually to close down CPF board which it deems useless. Kenneth Jeyaretnam will be Minister of National Development who will stop building HDBs and wants to build condos all over Singapore. SDP Dr CSJ will be Minister of Health where healthcare will be free to all Singaporeans including plastic surgeries.

The only Ministry no parties want to take up is Transport and Han Hui Hui who won her Radin Mas seat will be appointed Transport Minister. She will be abolishing COE and car price drops overnight immediately. Car salesman now truly support HHH as car sales hit through the roof. ERP gantries are also being removed. BMW 5 series is the same price in U.S. which is about S$60000 and Toyota Altis is S$20000. Toyota sold about 100,000 cars the next day. A total of 1 million cars were sold over the weekend. Singaporeans are so happy as almost everyone owns a car now and they now call HHH God of Transport who solves all of Singapore transport woes.

LTK told the other parties that he will need to sell all the assets in Temasek and GIC in order to support each parties manifesto when they promised during the elections. Singapore hold roughly US$250 billion of assets were sold overnight and due to the quick sale, other countries has been bargaining and they are so happy with Singapore government. China bought SIA and named it CIA immediately. Singtel became Arabtel after Abu Dhabi bought it over at 20% off its actual value.

LKY seeing all this from the netherworld couldn’t get up from his grave because he was cremated.

Meanwhile Lee Hsien Loong dissolved the PAP, took the millions he earned during his career and bought a sea front resort in Caribbean island and retired there. While strolling on the beach with Ho Ching one day, he saw a magnificent Palace which is 10 times bigger and more posh than his. He was telling Ho Ching this must either be Bill Gates or Larry Ellison’s palace. From far, he saw someone familiar and that person called out, “Hsien Loong, you are here, come join me and Rosmah for dinner.”

“Ladies and Gentleman, please fasten your seatbelt as we are landing in Singapore shortly.” I realized that it was a dream and wipe the cold sweat off my forehead.

from here

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